June 14th 2017 The Day My Heart Broke

I remember the day as I woke up in North Carolina on that Wednesday morning. It was different from other days my mom's husband stayed in bed later than usual I figured that he was catching some extra minutes of sleep since mom was wandering the weekend before.

Watching CNN that morning like I usually do I remember two top news stories. There was a fire in Grenwell Tower block in London, England that ended up killing 79 and injuring 37 and a Bernie Sanders supporter opened fire at Republican politicians practicing baseball in Alexandria, Virginia injuring 4. I remember saying how horrible that is and how the world is suffering so much pain and hate. The weather was bright and sunny unlike how it would be later on that day.

As I look back things were significantly different with my mom. As I went to help my mom to the kitchen to try to get some nourishment in her system I remember her legs and arms being ice cold I said good morning mom she said hey babe and when I sat her up it's like her legs were limp she didn’t want to walk anymore. So, I went to the kitchen to bring her Ensure. I asked her to take a sip for me and she did. then she shook a little and I said ok mom, and I laid her back down in the bed and gave her a kiss on her cheek said that I loved her and let her rest and came back a little later. I came back sat her up I remember her saying wait a minute and I then gave her another sip. Mom you need to drink this to stay strong she took another sip and she shook and I lied her back down. The third tine was different she didn’t take a sip so I got her husband David we sat with her together and we tried giving her a drink via a spoon and she didn't want it at all and I laid her back down.

I went back to check on her and she was calling for my brother in a muffled voice who passed away 2 years ago and she was looking up. What made this significant is I never told her that her son passed away from stage 4 cancer 2 years earlier. I said to myself my brother is coming to bring her to heaven. I walked away for a minute I came back and she was gone it was 1:11pm on June 14th.

What happened afterwards was very traumatizing for me. I went to her husband and said that she was gone he said No and he got up from his chair and walked over to her in their bedroom and said Mary and felt her chest and saw the same thing that I saw we were both in shock. I remember calling the paramedics and them coming to the house and asking so many questions and I was for the lack of a better word freaking out shaking, crying, all of the emotions, what happened? Where you live? Is the door open? if my mom had a Do-Not-Resuscitate (DNR) etc. She had it with her paperwork. she didn’t want to be resuscitated so they pronounced her dead. The police were called since she didn’t pass away in a nursing home. I remember sitting next her as she was lying there and saying no more pain you’re at peace now and gave her a kiss and said I Love you, and then the funeral home folks came and picked up her body.

I remember us both sitting there in shock. This chain of that days events happened so fast she was here and now she’s gone. I said earlier that the weather was significant to me because all day it was sunny but that night it seems to be the worst storm in a while a hail storm with thunder and lightning. Looking back as I write this post things seem so evident. she gave so much of herself shared so much knowledge gave so much love without asking for anything in return and in the end it was me and her husband with her in the end. I was there for her last breath and she was there for my 1st. It was the worst day of my life My #1 cheerleader was gone but I knew that she and my brother were together. My heart was broken. My life would never be the same.