Aggressive Behavior and Dementia - Why is my Loved One Mean towards Me?

I always wondered why someone with dementia would be violent. I mean if you’re a caregiver for your loved one why would they want to hurt you when you want to help them feel comfortable. My mother at times would yell at me or be violent towards me. This is scary even though she can't hurt me because she weighs like 80lbs now she has the potential of hurting herself. I mean she can be downright mean like. "Terri leave me alone" or "Terri go away". Even when I say mom you need to eat something, she would give me that glance and say, “No Terri”. Yes, that glance that your mom would give you when you’re a child and she would be ready to beat your behind. Sometimes she would hit me when I would t

When did Insensitivity become so obvious?

Happy Sunday everyone. This is a short post today. Let's talk and think about the last time that you either shared your family’s illness with someone. Or just anything in general, and they said something completely insensitive? Do you think that they did it intentionally? or did you think that they didn't think before they opened their mouth. We as caregivers are under so much stress daily. They may not walk around crying all the time. I know I don't. I've always been taught to never let them see you sweat. But since I've been caring for my mother, my tough shell has become easily pliable. One of my colleagues said to me, " You know you can just put your mom into a home and you'll be less st

Full Time Employee - Part Time Caregiver

Having a full-time job and being a part-time caregiver created many obstacles for me. Challenges included me taking a lot of time off from work which historically I don’t do, covering medical expenses since I want to keep my mom home and not in a nursing home for as long as I can, traveling 4 hours 8 hours’ round trip to care for her, and finding a way to give care and rotate with my mom husband’s daughter to provide care giving my mom’s husband a break, and communicating these needs with my boss. It was difficult for me because I’m a very private person and my pride doesn’t help. I like to handle things on my own unless I really need assistance. I don’t want to share that much with my colle

Feelings Friday

They say that God doesn't make mistakes. Then why has this Alzheimer’s Disease come and take hold of all that was beautiful and strong from my mother like a thief in the night. Why would this disease take anyone’s loved one for that manner? My father was taken from a combination of Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, now my mom is suffering from Alzheimer’s and so what now I say to myself at times. I'm not a religious person by any means I grew up going to church each Sunday and said my prayers each night my mom made sure of that. Over the past few years 8 to be exact I've just about lost all my immediate family. My Dad and Grandmother (My Mom's Mom) in 2008, My Brother in 2015, and now my mom is s

Thankful Thursday

Today I posted on Twitter that it takes a Tribe to care for a loved one at home. Any caregiver knows that it does. Point blank if you haven't lived in a caregivers shoes you have no idea. The sleepless nights and the emotional strain that caring for my mother knowing that she won't get better no matter what I do because there's no cure for Alzheimer's Disease while seeing her decline regularly pulls at my heart strings.. Make no mistake any form of Dementia is horrible. It's not just a lack of memory, it's taking them to the hospital and struggling with telling the medical staff what's wrong because she can tell them for herself. It's helping her eat when she says that she's not hungry even

Musing Monday

Well it's Monday morning and I'm home and emotionally spent. Although I didn't make my trek to North Carolina to see my mom, the guilt of me having a restful weekend weighs on me. This unlike my longer posts is just to record my thoughts right now. Yesterday I usually check in on my mother's husband to get status on him the 365/7 caregiver and how my mom is doing. Usually his answer is consistent "She's the same no change" which to me is better than "Not so good" which is what his update was on this day. My heart just sunk if your a caregiver you know that feeling. He shared that she wandered around the house all night so he wasn't able to get any rest. He doesn't know how much longer he can

Dementia and Safety Series: Driving and Dementia – Having the conversation

Losing the independence driving provides can be upsetting. It is important to acknowledge a person's feelings and preserve his or her independence, while ensuring the person's safety and the safety of others. Starting the conversation You should Initiate a dialogue to express your concerns to your loved while putting emphasis on the positive and offer alternatives to driving. I also believe that it would be helpful if you let them know that you loved them and just want them to be safe. It would be helpful to ask the physician to write a letter stating that the person must not drive. Or ask the physician to write a prescription that says, "No driving." You can then use the letter or prescri

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